Homesickness

Sleep Away Camp

Who's heading out for the Summer?

When the cat's away, will the mice play or does the kitty get homesick? In this episode, Cyla and I talk about how to cope when homesickness creeps in for both kids and parents alike.  

It's it’s VERY important to prepare your child properly, especially after 16 months of stressful pandemic restrictions. Therefore, we have provided you a link from one of the nation’s top psychologists & camp advisers. 

 In this video, Dr. Chris Thurber provides tips for parents to work with their children BEFORE camp to ensure a smooth transition, and reduce the intensity of first-year campers’ homesickness and COVID concerns.

Even if your child has been to camp before, we HIGHLY recommend you review this resource so your child will have the best experience at camp and away from home this summer. Enjoy!

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In Gratitude,

Rachael Laya & Cyla Grace Hoffman

Transcription:
[1:02] Alright Cyla, here we go. Good morning or good afternoon or good night.

[1:12] So today we're talking about a topic that has come up a few times and that we're preparing for with some our first Adventure Priscilla at sleep away camp.

The big question on both our minds is homesickness because we've recently had some instances where you felt homesick, but,

to give some context to that, you've always been a fairly independent child and,

even from an early age, I think you started staying the night at your grandparents house when you were 34 years old maybe.

[1:54] And never once had a problem.

But I think in the last year, because we've been together so much and there's been so much uncertainty.

[2:04] There's been a little bit of regression for you, which means like you're kind of moving backwards a little bit, which is totally normal and totally okay and having some really intense feelings of home being homesick.

[2:18] Um through some of your last sleepovers and not necessarily with friends, but with family, right?

I feel like most of the time family members when I'm with family members like grandma grandpa, things like that I feel.

[2:35] And there's not really much to do and besides being outside or watching tv that I don't feel like there's enough to do to take my mind off being with you. I'm being homesick.

So it gives me more time to think about that. I'm homesick.

[2:54] Yeah. It's really miss your regular creature comforts, like your bed and your stuff and your family for your immediate family, right?

But then when I'm out of sleepover or France house I don't have time to miss you because I'm doing so many things.

Yeah and we really haven't had that many of those, especially this last year.

Right? So those are, we're a little out of sync with um those feelings too.

But recently we had a.

[3:28] Four day in a roast over which is really fun.

Yeah. Except our friend was staying here which is different.

And then I slept twice there. Right? Was it two days here and then two days at our friend's house.

That's right. Our friend Alina from a recent episode and that helped you get comfortable. I think the more we have these experiences, the more ordinary they feel and the less homesick you may feel.

But this last year has been quite strange on so many levels that it's taken the regularity out of staying away on your own right.

And so recently you stayed at bobby's house for a few nights. Tell me how you were feeling when it got really late at night.

[4:14] I was freaking out. I felt super nervous.

I felt like a crazy person that my head would explode if I wasn't able to be with you or call you or talk to you and it was not going good.

Your heart was really hurting. Yeah.

[4:34] Yeah. And it broke my heart to hear that too. What are some of the things that you did in those moments to help ground yourself and get to sleep?

Kind of calmly called you?

[4:49] Went to bed with with with two bed with someone else in my dad and played sleep zones sleep sounds so the calming sleeps, storms helped you.

Do you have your levies with you?

Yeah. Yeah. And so snuggling somebody familiar.

Well like bobby was with you and but she's not that familiar.

Well but we're trying right?

But Kitty is she's been with you every single day since you were three days old. Right?

[5:23] So that that added to your comfort. Right? And then when you woke up in the morning, how did you feel?

I felt stole nervous because I woke up again at 4:00 AM.

But so I was like what the heck?

And I was still missing you and it felt super awkward but you got on with your day, you got busy and there's more to do than just watching tv and being outside.

I mean you have a whole entire farm there so let's be real. There's plenty to do right?

It's just a lot less maybe engaging from a child's play perspective because you're the only kid out there on the farm, It's still way more magic than we've got here just in different ways.

And I've got a little buddy, Ziggy Donkey, a donkey, eight months old, right?

[6:21] So feeling homesick is totally natural, first of all, in fact, 98% of people, according to some recent studies have experienced homesickness.

So it's totally natural. That is a lot, yeah, it is a lot.

So homesickness is totally normal.

It's the feeling that you get a little anxiety or you know, emotional, they tug at your heartstrings, et cetera.

But according to psychologist, 95% of Children experience some degree of homesickness when they're away.

[6:59] It's kind of a fleeting moment. Like that means it kind of comes and goes like when you get quiet or your time to relax and your brain is less distracted.

You can think about those things that maybe makes you uh a little homesick or your heart sad, right?

Like you don't give me a hug and a kiss good night.

Sure. And I didn't have an opportunity to do that in person. But luckily we have technology that allows us to do some bit of that.

Sometimes I can make it a little bit harder though. Yeah. Yeah.

Because once you see someone you want them even more and the sister do, sometimes that can be easier. And sometimes it can make it a little bit worse when it comes to camp.

[7:45] We won't have either of those things. So we'll definitely have to work at preparing for those moments.

But my brain sort of doesn't calm down because it's like focusing on what's coming tomorrow and then I need to shut my brain off so that I can have enough rest to be able to make it through the next day.

Well, yeah, that's the other thing about camp, I think pretty quickly you'll be so tired from all the fun and all the activities and 10 30 to 7 30 sleep, right?

A very limited window of sleep then you're used to and lots of new friends.

So it's kind of like the best of both worlds. You'll have all this fresh air, which is tiring.

You'll be doing all these new challenging activities that your body and your brain aren't used to.

So hopefully that will tire you out and then stimulate you for the next day or really get you in a good place to just be tired and exhausted.

[8:43] Right? Although sometimes when you're most tired is when your emotions can get super wonky and,

you can think about things that you wouldn't normally like start worrying about things that you shouldn't because you can't really self regulate when you're super tired.

So it's just something to keep in mind.

For one thing, I don't really get tired that quickly.

Well hopefully summer camp is going to do just that,

you know, so we do a little bit of research on this,

and we wanted to figure out what are some things that I can do as a parent or dad and I can do to prepare for a sleepaway camp and to help ease your anxiety or your worry.

[9:28] Any in any number of these situations, whether you're staying at boobies or nanny and gaga zor sleepaway camp or even a friend's house.

And sometimes I even worry that,

that you're not doing good without me. This is true, right?

Because we can send mixed signals as parents saying like, oh, we miss you so much. And what will we do without you? And oh, what if I forget to feed your animals like that?

Puts this unnecessary worry and responsibility on your shoulders as a kid that really doesn't need to be there. Right.

So we'll need to watch out for those things too. Sometimes that kind of, that kind of talk can put this unnecessary fear on you.

So one of the things that parents can do is assure our kids that we're going to be doing fine without you. Of course we're going to miss you.

[10:25] But you know, nothing fun is happening without you around and we won't be super hurt will be okay without you.

It'll stink for a little bit not having you around, but we'll be fine and everything will go just as it always does.

Everything will be taken care of. There's nothing for you to worry about. But I don't want you to leave.

Right Well we'll have to be careful on are and what we have to say to each other, we can also encourage some practice time away from home.

And so grandparents are sleeping right?

Maybe shorter nights, right? So just like one night or two nights in a row or kind of build up to two or three days in a row because camp is six nights away.

So the other thing we can do is give you detailed information about what to expect a camp.

Do you feel like you have a pretty good idea since we had a chance to tour the camp?

So maybe it's less scary that way because I know what the situation is, I know what, what is, where and what cabin I'm most likely to be in.

[11:31] And you have a friend going with you this year, correct? So it feels less strange now in your mind. Maybe you can picture what you get to do every day and there's more excitement than anxiety.

I'm sort of putting together a picture book in my mind, what's going to happen? Perfect.

I hope it pans out for you as you dreamed.

I might actually have to put together a picture book. Well they also say that teaching our kids some coping strategies and telling you some tips or tricks that you can do when you feel homesick.

And those are things like you already talked about staying busy, talking with your friends or your counselors or sharing kind of how you're feeling.

Writing letters is a really great way. So bring a stuffed animal or a memorable piece reminds you of home and keeping a positive attitude, like focusing on what fun you had in your day.

Like it will be a great time to kind of tell yourself you're great Fels might maybe bring a journal and don't focus on what you're missing out on at home.

Focus on all the good stuff you got going on right in front of your face. You know that you don't normally have an opportunity to enjoy, like archery or horseback riding or a number of other things. Yes, definitely.

So some things they say that we shouldn't do as parents, which make a lot of sense now that I think about it.

[13:01] The number one thing they say is don't offer a pickup deal meaning like I think well intended parents want to say something like I'll come get you if you get homesick or what not, but,

no matter how you say it really, what you're saying is that we don't have enough confidence in you and your ability to be self sufficient in these moments.

And so we'll rescue you when I get it in one way, you know that I always want you to know dad and I always want you to know that we have your back and we got you no matter what.

But we also want you to do it myself and find a way to win.

Because we're because we're often,

Yeah, but truly that's something I didn't consider would play back in your mind by telling you like, I don't worry if it really it sucks or you get homesick, I'll come get you.

You got to know that when you go, you're in it to win it and it's going to be a blast, right?

And you can't come pick me up. Yeah. And it gives you a higher degree of self esteem and self confidence while you get to learn these new activities and build relationships and build on your own personal responsibilities at camp. Right?

[14:18] The other thing they say, which is kind of a something I would definitely do is give mixed messages to the kids like I don't know what I'll do without you kind of like what we were just saying or,

I hope I remember to feed your pets or you know.

[14:34] Your room is going to be a mess when you get home because Shaka loves it right?

Because the dog is going to destroy it or whatever and that's not anything necessary.

You don't need to have any of that going on even in a playful way that can kind of be misconstrued or misunderstood as something negative and that will make you worry about stuff at home that you just don't need to like.

[14:59] So I think camp is going to be a great adventure, right?

It certainly is and homesickness. It's just just another thing to just forget about it.

It's not easy to forget about it but maybe think about some other ways to really enjoy the experience right?

Don't think about the downside. Think about the upside. Right.

So what are you most excited about um archery and horseback riding is gonna be so much fun.

And what about canoeing and paddleboarding, swimming, fishing, water slides, games, new friends, campfires, campfire marshmallows, smores.

Yeah.

[15:49] So much good stuff. I cannot wait to see what's in store for you and I will not be able to stand the urge that I want to give my dad a Sherbert when I get home, wow, he's going to really look forward to that. No, he's not.

[16:03] Mhm Well coming home will be even sweeter. Kind of like being on vacation but it will be important to remember all the awesome opportunities that you have in front of you.

Yeah so cheers to a great summer camp and thanks for sharing some good tips on how to cope with homesickness.

If you've got a kid heading out for some extended time with family or at camp this summer, if you have any other tips to share with silent. I before she heads away to camp, send us a message via our website.

She sounds like me dot com or on socials were here for it. Thanks for listening and have an awesome day.

Thanks for listening and have an awesome day.