Tech Talk - With Cindy Robinson, PT 2
Privacy, Protection and a Mutual Device Contract
This week's episode is part 2 with certified parent coach and founder of The Kid Factory, Cindy Robinson! Dishing up a Tech Talk for young minds, including questions answered around monitoring software, privacy and a mutual contract of trust and understanding on how to stay safe in a digital world.
Cindy works hard at creating content aimed at making cutting-edge mental health resources accessible to as many families as possible.
Check out more of Cindy's work, her podcast and more helpful resources for kids and grownups - like her Smart Phone Contract, at www.thekidfactory.org!
Watch Cindy's Smartphone Contract YouTube Video here!
For another helpful resource for internet safety tips and more, as discussed in the episode, check out:
www.protectyoungeyes.com
Childhood 2.0 the Documentary
and Bark Monitoring Software
Enjoy the episode!
Transcription:
This is our second part of tech talk with Cindy Robinson from the kid factory.
Yeah, we dive in a little bit deeper here. And the continued conversation We're talking about proper use of screens for young brains.
What have you learned? Some stuff so far? Ready to dive into Episode two?
Let's be more responsible in how we use our devices and give it a listen, Cindy Robinson. Part two, starts now.
Hey, friends, welcome to the she sounds like me podcast.
We're your hosts, Rachel Lay Hoffman and I'm style of race. Hoffman were a mama daughter duo that works together, plays together and tries to figure out this crazy world together.
Yeah, Mom And we're super grateful You could join us today.
This is the she sounds like me podcast. She-sounds-like-me she sounds like me she sounds like me she sounds like me she sounds like me she sounds like me she sounds like me Welcome to the she sounds like me podcast.
Whoa! Hold up, Mom. Before we get this party started, we got to let them know the goods First Friends, if you like what you hear, subscribe to this podcast on your chosen platform.
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Okay, mom. Now let's get to it.
Let's get to it. Alright, Cyla, here we go.
[24:16] So what? You mentioned earlier too, but and I love this in the contract. So what is considered.
[24:24] Rude behavior. Yeah. Using your device? Yeah.
Like what is what is what makes it rude?
[24:34] Well, that's a biggie for me personally. So that's why it was important to be in the contract.
Is I really, Um a I do need to model, and I feel like we do a decent job of modeling this in our house.
Um, being on your devices in a time when it's rude, I don't want to lose sight of that.
I think, um, we still need to make eye contact with people. We still need to connect with humans.
So that was the realization is key, especially when it's so limited. My mom's a queen.
Socialization of our hair. Yes. Your mom's not wrong.
Yeah. So for me, it being perceived as rude or disrespectful. What I listed in my contract are examples like being at someone's house.
So you're hanging out with your friends? Do they really want to watch you talk to your other friend on your phone the whole time? Not really.
Um, at the dinner table, it's a really good time for a family connection. Not really. Great time for other connections at a restaurant is just a biggie for me.
I feel like, obviously, I'm in the minority. I haven't been to a restaurant in over a year, but the last time I went I think most younger kids have a device.
But it's a biggie for me that they not be in the restaurant.
Um, and just when you're doing something with someone else, you really shouldn't be distracted by your device while someone's talking to you. So I don't want to be talking to my child. And he is, you know, zoned out playing a game.
[26:02] And then, um, for your teachers while at school, they will thank you for setting that right?
Right. That would be a few years from from us, but I can't even believe that cell phones are allowed in the classroom and things like that, like you mentioned in your YouTube video.
And I know you're an educator as well. So super valid points. But how disrespectful is that? I can't imagine.
Like all the third graders, all of them have their phones out.
Third graders, third graders doing class. They all have phones. And they're out out doing that wrong.
Oh, my goodness. I didn't I I am not even realizing that that that's so disrespectful. No.
Okay, It's a real struggle in the classroom. Let me tell you more than people realize. And I get to catch 22 of they need devices to do schoolwork. And so, yeah, we're a bit hypocrites in that sense, and I understand that.
[27:03] Yeah, if everybody kind of work together on sort of leisure use of devices and it not happening in places when you should be focused, that would be wonderful.
Wow. Wow, that would be a big one for us when that time comes. That's like a huge No, no.
Well, what I like about so much of what you said is you talk about some things that again goes back to modeling.
But in regards to privacy, this is a big one here because Silas is eight.
When she received her device, there was a conversation about at any point I am going to be able to access your device.
I'm going to be the one that gives preapproval for downloading any new apps.
Um, we have, like, a two party approval system and the Apple platform that makes her get permission from an adult, which I appreciate and then, you know, snooping on her device.
There's there's a difference, I think, and it's hard for kids to understand the difference that I want to be respectful of her privacy.
But I also want her to know that at any point at her age, I will be looking at the device to either check.
[28:15] From messages from people or what sights she stumbled across or what videos she's watching on YouTube.
Um, in an effort to protect her safety and to pay attention to what's going on. So what's the difference there in the younger age group?
[28:34] Between kind of privacy and snooping and protecting that. Sure, Yeah.
I basically what my recommendations are because I'm aware of the dangers and the risks.
Um, And I think once you are, you would agree with me that once,
your child has any type of device that ever has Internet access, whether it be through WiFi through a data plan, um, once they have access to it and you're not actively engaged with them on that device,
So you guys aren't watching something together even if they're across the couch from you?
Um, I do think it is time for protection now, Like you said, this sort of snooping versus privacy causes a lot of tension in families and understandably so.
Kids always are looking for independence. That's what growing up is is slowly becoming independent.
And parents are always terrified because they love their kids more than anyone else on the planet.
So that's always going to create some tension.
[29:38] My favorite way to go about that. That seems to be, um, the most peacekeeping in the home.
Our two part series, one communication, always talking about all the things all the time, which I think you guys model. Very well.
[29:56] Um, and then that needs to be followed up as soon as their own A device that you're not actively watching what they're watching with protection.
[30:05] And that I highly recommend rather than you having the responsibility to go onto their device and look at every little thing and go down the rabbit hole because a lot of those things can be deleted anyway.
Um, but instead of that, I would get, um, some online safety software.
I I have personal favorites, but I would get some sort of software protection because A that alerts you to things.
So you're not having to rely on yourself to know all the apps they use and know how to look up sites and know how to go to, you know, to figure out all this stuff.
[30:40] But it also gives them the privacy of as long as they're within the boundaries of what's safe, what's considered safe for them.
You don't you don't have to go through all their business, you know.
So I really like that balance. It really tension out of the family, you explain.
Here's what we're putting on your devices. This is to keep you safe, and then, um then they know that they have that amount of privacy, you know, so they can be curious about things that aren't dangerous for them.
[31:09] While having the protection of the online software, which is a lot better at it than you are.
By the way, what is monitoring software?
So basically, my I'll use my favorite as an example, but there are lots of different ones, and they're ultimately two ways to go about it.
One is to have filtration system, so it filters the content that you might see. So if you're eight years old Silo, you don't need to see all the things right.
And so, um, you could have something that filters that content so that if you Google something and maybe somebody would have put something kind of inappropriate for you to see on there, it won't show you that.
[31:49] The other way is to monitor your contents, to let your parents know if something was really concerning, you know?
So if, um, you had a friend who was feeling really depressed and they told you I'm feeling so depressed, and they hadn't told their parents that they were feeling that way,
Then your parents would get an alert saying like, Hey, there was this text exchange where one of the kids said that they were feeling very depressed.
And that way that parent will know. Okay, maybe my child, you know, needs to talk to someone.
Um, and it's too much to ask for kids to manage that, right? So you really want an adult to know so they can step in and get them the support that they need?
[32:27] Yeah, that's kind of how it works, but it doesn't tell your parents. Everything you say only lets them know if something was said that was concerning.
That's key for them to understand, too, because, you know, silo, I don't want to know.
I want you to have private conversations in a way with your friends, or that you can trust and lean into each other.
And, um, and develop those relationships without you feeling like I'm overhearing everything digitally.
Right? But we just had an experience just the other day where you got a text from somebody that wasn't so nice.
Came out of nowhere, right?
I'm not sure that this monitoring software would have picked up the tone or the intention behind that type of text.
So it is important for us to have good communication when you see something like that,
now, so you can know that you trust my response when that happens and that we can help you work through that right now.
If somebody was going to say really bad words, a monitoring software may pick something like that up and send me an alert like Miss Cindy was talking about Cindy, would you mind sharing, Which is your favorite monitoring software?
[33:43] Yeah, So I love bark. Um, it's bark technologies. They are just by far the most thorough.
Um, and they've got a phenomenal algorithm you mentioned earlier about you're not sure if they would pick up on the tone, but actually, they does a wonderful job of doing that.
And they can even just emojis that start to have a not so nice. Meaning, um, they're on the cutting edge of that. So even if someone sends an emoji, then it will let you know like, Hey, this emojis sometimes means something that's not so nice.
So maybe there's something to be concerned about. Wow. But what?
So like not nice Emojis. I think of some emojis.
But then I think of the medium Nice Emojis like the barf emoji and the poop emoji head.
I don't think you probably won't get too too big of an alert on that.
[34:33] Okay. Are you using those a lot?
You'd be getting a little day when the funny thing is, it's interesting because there are certain things, especially as silicates older, where you can say, you know what I'm not too strict about with boys. The big one is violence.
Uh, they play a lot of rough video games, so you don't have to turn the setting of violence up really high, so you don't have to see every violent alert that comes in.
But then there are certain things like being really concerned about someone's mental health.
I think you should keep that on high because you want to know if they're struggling.
Yeah, well, I'm definitely interested in bark. I've heard a lot from there, um, from their developers and the people that are running bark, I think they're Atlanta based, which is also very cool.
And I know that you're an ambassador for bark, so we'll definitely drop a link to, um to bark in the show notes.
And I believe maybe Cindy, you have a promo code even to try out bark because that's something we want to do and and try it out for our own monitoring for stylus iPad and see how it goes.
Maybe we can have a follow up call or a follow up interview about it after we've used it for a little while and see what it's doing for us.
[35:48] Yeah, that would be great. And, um, yeah, if you go to my website, uh, the kid factory dot org and click on the bark link.
Yeah, that takes you to, um, not only a free trial, but 20% off of the normal rate, which I think it's around, like, $15 a month.
So then 20% off that it's worth every penny, let me tell you.
[36:09] Great. We're going to look into that. Thanks for sharing that cost saving future, too.
So we've got one more question for you, and then we'll wrap it up.
I think we could probably This is fascinating stuff. Don't you think So, yes.
We're going to get any ideas, Mom, I've got lots of ideas. Now we're going to have our I'm going to shrink your brain to lose ideas. Pop right, act.
But with the goal silent that eventually, though, you'll have more independent. So I promise it's good for you.
Thank you. That's a great point, Cindy. And I appreciate that.
Yeah, and it really is trying to just teach you how to use your devices in a way that's more responsible so that you are more independent and you can make your own decisions.
So I'm not the one doing it, really? So this is a great learning experience for both of us.
[37:01] In the contract, though you talk about kids agreeing to never use our devices for the following you've got a list of those things.
Could you list them for us? And then we can talk about maybe what us as parents can do in return.
Yeah. So the list is hatred Exchanging inappropriate photos, bullying, getting information or advice from irreparable sites were sharing private information.
Yeah, that's that's the meat of it, right?
And using it and using it for good. What do parents need to agree to do in return?
Um, well, their agreement in response to that is that if their child does violate that room, that rule that they will not be angry or disappointed, they will stay calm, supportive and help talk you through where to go from there.
However, keep in mind that some of those violations might have real world consequences that will be on the parents Be beyond the parents control.
[38:02] Mm. And why is that so important for them to understand?
[38:07] Well, um, and the reason I encouraged Yeah, the reason I encourage parents to agree to not get angry is because, um.
[38:19] What the temptation like we talked before in screens.
It's people's full time job to make them addictive. So sometimes kids get sneaky and maybe try to sneak the devices back into their room.
Um, or sometimes they still get too curious and want to look at things that they know their parents would prefer they not look at.
[38:37] And that's really not a time to be angry or disappointed in your child.
That's really a time to say, You know what? You're a child behaving like a child. You're supposed to be curious. You're curious about the whole world.
And in addition to that, someone is being paid a lot of money to make you really, really want to sneak this device or look at this stuff.
Um, so keep that in mind. So whenever, um, a rule is violated, I think it's better to say I understand that was too much to ask you to do on your own.
And I'm sorry. I see that you need more support from me. That was too much to expect you to resist doing on your own. And I'm here to help you now.
[39:16] Um and so that's why I felt like it was really important to highlight in the contract is for parents to understand it's so easy to get mad at our kids, but the buck doesn't totally stop at them.
Honestly, the real responsibility rests on the shoulders of big tech, um, and others that aren't kids.
So try to not get mad at your kids if they violate the rules or if they get sneaky, try to just understand that they are just biologically behaving the way they're supposed to be. And they just need a little more support from you.
[39:50] Thank you. You're welcome. This information is so.
[39:56] Helpful. Well, it sounds like there's some winds for Mom, right? Like she'll get to monitor a little more to keep you safe.
There's some winds for me.
Yeah, and there are some downsides for both of us, right? But I think together we can work on having better communication and better respect of these devices and the power that they hold.
Yes, and then got to respect that.
[40:24] Kids like me. You can't always We can't always. You can't always expect the most from us.
Oh, I don't know about that. I'm not that good.
None of a style of where all our body is. Of course not.
But I do appreciate your the underlying tone of this whole thing, which is, you know, there's no shame in the tech game.
We're all learning how to better use our devices for good as long as we keep opening.
[40:57] Considerate and respectful communication among our parents and kids about these devices and on the,
World Wide Web and all the wonder and, you know, risk and cool stuff and information and education that can be available to us as long as we use it fairly. Absolutely.
Can I throw a couple of other resources for curious parents who want to learn a little more about this is due.
That's exactly what I was going to ask that and how we can find and follow you for friends that might be interested in learning more perfect, Um, first I would recommend.
And this is for parents only, Um, unless you have teenagers and then might be okay for them. But I would highly recommend going on YouTube and Searching Childhood two point Oh, it's a documentary that I think every parent should see.
It's the most accurate documentary for modern childhood that I'm aware of, and so I highly recommend you can go on and watch it about an hour and a half.
[41:56] Um, watch it and follow up with me with questions if you have any.
I'm trying to do a lot of parent forums right now where I take sort of the how parents are feeling after watching that documentary and help digest it, but even just reach out to me individually.
Um, I think it's very important, and then another Is every school dot org.
It's designed for schools, but I think parents can get a lot from it as well.
It sort of takes technology and makes it into this pyramid. Remember the food pyramid about, You know, we want just a little bit of sugary sweets, you know? But we want a lot of fruits and vegetables.
[42:29] It really breaks tech down in that way. And so how you can start using text smarter, um, which is, like, for creation and curation, and not just for consumption.
So, um, that's a very nice, easy graphic to look at. So at home, you can start to shift like not so much that we're using tech.
But how are we using it? Yeah, I love that because I feel a whole lot better when, like, for instance, she could spend all day on dual lingo or math.
Uh, you know, math games, and I would feel great.
It's that I get nervous when it's like a constant scroll of whatever's popping up next on YouTube that I feel like is the sugar on top, right? It's like eating Pixy Stix. Yeah.
[43:11] Yes. Good to know. That's great. Um, so my website is the kid factory dot org, and my instagram handle is the underscore, kid underscore factory.
And there you I'm always sharing. I'm sure, you know, always sharing.
Um, whatever. Cutting edge resources, whatever. Awesome books I've read recently, Um, as soon as I can get you know, whatever podcast episode is coming up next, that's where I put everything out, so.
[43:35] Go there and just start to consume all of this information about parenting and mental health.
Try to make it all actionable, digestible and realistic for parents.
I love it. And I forgot to mention at the top of the episode that, um you're the kid. Factory. Podcast is a huge resource, not just your social media following in your website, but you're podcast is highly is highly informational.
Even the word I We were on our podcast. Dad will know. My dad will know.
You will correct me later too.
[44:12] Yes, that's check that out. I try to have experts on there that we don't always have access to. Otherwise, that's the goal. Awesome.
[44:21] Uh, thank you for joining us today. Thanks for having me, guys.
Welcome. We learned so much, and we're going to do better and keep checking in with you so we'll encourage our friends to do the same. And thanks for sharing such helpful resources for both parents and kids.
Any time you guys enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you, Cindy. Take care. We'll talk to you soon.
[44:45] Until then, follow us on Social media. Check out the show notes for some of those helpful links that Cindy gave us parents and kids to explore, the better uses of tech and how to properly set ourselves up for success,
in a mutual agreement with mom and kids or parents and kids.
Yeah, we're getting lots of ideas. In fact, that's the whole point and join us next week on another episode. She-sounds-like-me Hi, friends.