Major Meltdown - Part 1

Major Meltdown and then Some. Part 1

Major meltdowns are just a part of parenting and every human we know has experienced them. But how does this feel from a kids perspective? What happens in their brains and how do they need to cope? We tackle this topic head on, fresh off the heels of one of Cyla's biggest meltdowns to date, and she openly shares what she needs to get through it.  Part 1 of 2. 

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Massive thanks to the awesome friends that lent their voices to our vision at the top of each episode.  Kelley Buttrick, Jill Perry, Nicole & Lila Britton, Trevor Johns, Caroline Slaughter, Tiffany Morgan, Cassie & Sabrina Glow ++ Jason Shablik & Van Gunter for their audio genius - we adore you all! 

For more information on the show, questions, comments, to share good vibes happening in your world or to request Cyla or Rachael as the Voice for your next message - drop us a line at hello@shesoundslikeme.com or share your voice with us and leave us a message at (678) 653-4110. 

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In Gratitude,

Rachael Laya & Cyla Grace Hoffman

Transcription:
[0:00] Hey friends, it's Rachael Laya  Hoffman here, coming to you before the show because man Cyla and I recovered from some major meltdowns recently, and we had a chance to talk about it, that's the beauty of the show, right.

[0:16] So our conversation went so well and so in death and I learned so much that we actually broke this episode into two parts for you,

so check out part one of the major mega meltdown as Cyla shares some tips from a kid's perspective on how to cope when the going gets rough.

[0:36] And then check out next week's episode as we wrap up with part two,

and thanks for listening Hey friends, welcome to the she sounds like me podcast we're your hosts, Rachael Laya Hoffman,

and I'm Cyla Grace Hoffman were mom and daughter duo that works together please together and tries to figure out this crazy world together,

Yeah, mom and we're super grateful you could join us,

today, this is the she sounds like me podcast,

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she sounds like me Welcome to the she sounds like me podcast,

whoa, whoa hold up mom before we get this party started,

we got to let them know the goods first Friends if you like what you hear,

Subscribe to this podcast on your chosen platform, Give us a five star review or join our conversation online, she sounds like me on the socials and she sounds like me dot com.

Okay mom, now let's get to it, let's get to it Alright Silas, here we go,

guys go Sit down come on it's recording time it's podcast time everyone getting positions no positions on my lap ruby goalie down there in your beds.

Find your place, place, sit down.

Yeah, granted. Me and you too. Mr Go on.

[2:02] Hi hi, you feeling better today, yep.

[2:05] Well, that's a relief because yesterday was meltdowns Mania Day.

[2:14] Uh those have been happening a lot lately.

Why you're only eight? Your head's not supposed to spin off your body until you're like 12.

I am 12 on the inside. Please stay eight on the outside. Okay bru blue.

So we've been dealing with kind of a lot of these meltdowns lately. Uh huh.

Like more frequently than ever. Like I feel like we're reverting back to when you were like to know I don't want to like I'm just reverting up to when I'm 12.

No let's not fast forward things and more than we have to no child.

But it's really like the terrible twos at eight.

But in this just weird like I think figuring yourself out uh phase.

Right? So tell me what happens for you or your description of a meltdown.

Okay. My description of a meltdown from start to finish.

[3:18] It's basically this I hear something that is not going my way but it kind of is going is going my way but it's not at the same time like last night where were the science fair?

But I had to eat something and I didn't want to eat something so that wasn't going my way. But I really wanted to go the science fair.

So it was half and half and then every time I mentioned can we do that or when are we gonna be able to do that?

You repeat even more that I have to do even more of a thing that I don't want to do and then that just starts to form like a ball that builds on all of,

that repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating.

So it's like building like this frustration that's an egg, it's like a monster egg.

And when that egg hatches after I've had too much of it.

[4:14] It's just the monster turns into multiple monsters.

And I have angry, sad, frustrated, I'm confused with my life right now.

[4:25] And so and maybe maybe like I start to feel like that it is opening and then I feel like I'm my head is just spinning off into like a world of I'm confused and,

like, I don't want to be here right now, I don't want to be in this situation right now.

I just want to spin out of control until I'm okay with what's going on right now, until I find a way to figure this out.

So I'm going to just spin to the side and then I try to put my anger out so I can get back to center,

and normally it comes down to two people, you and dad, and all that frustration goes out on you because I'm with you guys all the time and you're the easiest to take all that,

out on you guys because I'm with you.

And and then it just spins out of control.

And then normally I go up to my room and like crying to my pillows and then you come in and you'll give me some hugs, try to help me,

try to fix whatever is going on, and then normally you leave and I'm okay and then a few minutes later I'm.

[5:44] Going crazy again and then.

[5:48] Something happens and I do something coming and it takes my mind off whatever else that flip out what's going on about and then I just eventually calm down.

But sometimes I calmed down enough to do what I actually wanted to do and it turns out that that thing can't happen anymore.

So then I freak out again and then I find something else problem to do again and that process just repeats a little bit again until like I found something that I want to do,

and then it just ends there.

[6:23] So I think what you're describing is just this uncontrollable roller coaster of emotions.

Yes, well, let me tell you it doesn't go away.

[6:35] Like we all feel that way sometimes and while I could go back over the minutia of how yesterday's meltdown went.

[6:46] And you know, we have talked it through as we always do.

I think what's important to remember as a kid and an adult when we're having these like super big feelings,

is yes, there's usually a trigger where you said like something goes wrong, you didn't want to eat for instance, but usually those triggers are because,

your body is trying to regulate something that it doesn't have,

and you don't even realize how thin,

your patients or you are.

[7:18] Hunger or you're tired is going. And so I think where your parents tend to step in is like, hey, have you thought about eating, Hey maybe you're tired.

I think what happens is we try to help each other out, right.

We noticed somebody in our tribe, our team, our crew here, our family, our center is struggling And so what we all do, You do it for Me too and we do it for dad.

Is that when one of us is down, the others want to swoop in and help that person out when in reality,

that person may not need help, what they actually need a space, just let it out in their own area where they can just let it all out and eventually be okay. Right?

And so you know, that's hard to identify in the moment when I see you freaking out and having a meltdown, I see the beginning phases.

I'm a parent. I'm intuitive, I love you. You came from me so I sense when you're getting there and we start to try to throw in little helpers like, hey, do you think you need to eat?

[8:28] Hey, do you think you might be tired? Hey, I can sense that you've been on your ipad for a long time and you've turned your mind off a little bit. And so now that I've asked you to refocus that's a frustrating shift or pivot in your mind and your emotion and your attention.

So how can we get you back? Right. And then when I'm asking or offering those things like we did yesterday.

That was frustrating because you don't I don't want those things sure, I just want to be left alone, or I actually need more attention, or Yeah, and it's so hard to articulate in the moment, right?

And normally, for me, the best way to.

Identify what I need either to be left alone or just I need more attention is to do, pick one thing to do.

[9:14] And if that's not the thing I need in the moment, I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a signal that I either want more attention or I want to be left alone.

Like for example, I will start really whaling if I want to be left alone because and you realize that,

last night or I'll be like, I want more hugs, I want more stuff, I want to be hugged, I want to be loved on and you'll be like, oh she needs more attention.

Which is interesting. You say that when you're whaling and getting really loud, that you want to be left alone because to me sitting downstairs heart breaking into a million pieces and just want to fix it.

I hear you wailing and getting louder and getting progressively more intense and maybe even using words and this negative self talk and I assume,

you want attention because you're getting louder because you're banging around because what have you, So I start to get nervous and feel like,

you need a rescue when maybe what you're saying is absolutely true, that's just your way of letting it out. Yeah, interesting.

[10:25] So we talk about this a lot and often times at the end of a meltdown when things have finally calmed down, you come back to me and you apologize, but I want you to know.

[10:40] You don't have to be sorry for that. Like dad says, it's not the crying and the sadness or your frustration that um, that hurts.

It's when you're being rude or mean or spiteful or name calling, you don't do those types of things.

But when disrespect of the other people in the circle or the family or the tribe or the room feel that that's when it's not fair.

It's not totally okay.

And you should not have to apologize for your feelings. I want to apologize because I feel bad that I'm making the whole rest of the house.

[11:25] Crazy because I'm crying and I'm having a meltdown and I'm and I just feel bad.

Like I want to say, I'm sorry even though I don't need to, Well I appreciate that.

And I know that you're an empathetic child who doesn't want to disrupt you. You like to please you like harmony and love and you don't want to upset or disappoint us.

But I just want to tell you again, your emotions are safe in our house and as long as you're not hurting yourself, hurting someone else or destroying property, right,

then it's okay to have all those big fields and get them out in whichever way you need to.

So last night while I couldn't see what you were doing, I could hear some, you know, some big energy up there.

Can you tell me what goes on for you, Like what feels like a good way to release that stuff.

Normally for me, this is not the most efficient way for me, but it's just what I do.

Uh I go upstairs and I like.

[12:36] Halfway slam my door but I don't slam my door because I know that I'm not supposed to do that in the house correct, But.

[12:44] Like I pushed the door closed and I get in my bed and I fought on my bed,

and I scream into a pillow and then I roll around on the carpet, wrapping myself in a burrito and my nice blue carpet and rug.

Yes. And I stay there and I screamed to myself in the rug and then I I flap around a lot and then I scream in the pillow again and then that just cycle goes on and on.

You know, I'm proud of you for identifying that that you need um body movement to exert negative energy and negative charge.

A lot of what I've learned in therapy sessions over the years is that's kind of a technique called ghestalt therapy which is moving negative energy out of the body.

Because every experience at least I believe every experience that we have in our life is trapped in ourselves in some capacity, right?

Our body holds memory just like our brain does. And if you can't push that energy out and you know, help change the magnetic field kind of around you.

You gotta move it out. You got him, you got to force it out sometimes and sometimes it's just like shrugging your shoulders, you know, like.

[14:02] Or taking a big exhale or a deep breath or stomping your feet sometimes that's just what you need to disarm your body's negative energy and get it out right.

Yeah. And most people have a safe thing, like something that makes them feel good about themselves.

Like for example, I have to save things.

My blue rug and my cat kitty not her substitute K Yeah.

[14:34] I sleep with kitty every night and I do not leave her and she's just my safe item. So that's perfect though. Yeah. You're loving your number one lovey and anything that makes you feel safe.

It's okay to lean into that and go to that when a person doesn't feel like they can give you that.

I'm proud of you for knowing that and going to that.

[14:56] So if you, if you don't know you're safe item you're then it's gonna be hard for you to find something calm that you can guest Yeah.

Well I know in the past you've talked a lot about your breathing techniques that you learned from some of your very favorite teachers and you helped each other people you teach me about.

But I noticed when I tried to apply that to you in the midst of the meltdown, I can't do them.

You could not do it right. Nobody wants to be like your spazzing out and somebody was like chill out or calm down or take a deep breath.

[15:34] Like that's the last thing anyone wants to hear in the height of the moment. Like break freak out.

You do not want to be told that and not even from your mom who you taught how to do the thing that she's asking you to do back.

I'm like Silas, let's do some balloon breathing and you're a mumble, you know, nondescript words happening, lots of tears.

So when is a good time for me to remind you or introduce those things.

Starting out in the start of the mouth, down the start. That's key. Thanks for that.

[16:16] The start or when I've just peaked and then you're coming down.

Yeah, from the crazy coaster. You want to do that at the start or when I'm coming down the coaster fair.

Okay this is so interesting to me. Let’s continue this next week on part 2 of She Sounds Like Me!